It’s morning again, another day.
The alarm is ringing, that nagging sound that won’t let me stay unconscious.
I need to wake up and wipe the sleep from my eyes.
But what’s the point, everyday is the same.
This life is dull, nothing feels right and everything is heavy.
It’s way too early to already feel defeated.
I know this to be true, but I can’t shake the feeling of wanting to sleep the day away.
Lately my dreams have even turned against me.
In my dreams I’m alone, in a dark unwelcoming world where I don’t matter.
I thought dreams were supposed to bring me all of the things that I can’t have in this life.
Not reflect the way reality really is, lonely.
There’s no point in dragging this out any longer.
Rolling out of bed was definitely a struggle.
I tripped over a pair of jeans.
My room had tons of dirty laundry scattered all over the floor.
I really should make it a point to clean this up.
Stumbling my way into the bathroom I clicked on the lights.
The brightness burned my eyes, and I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror.
The person staring back at me was someone I couldn’t recognize.
The loneliness in my eyes cried out for attention.
I’ve really been neglecting myself.
Last night after listening to my mediation and affirmation audios I promised myself that today would be a start of something new.
I was not going to ignore the reflection in the mirror anymore because that person deserved more than what I was providing.
I didn’t want to continue to look into those eyes, every morning, asking me to believe that life was more than what I had created it to be.
Those eyes wanted more than this feeling of separation.
I was going to start my journey of a new me.
Of a me that experiences joy, laughter, and love.
I touched the bags under my eyes and took a deep breath.
I stared at that stranger I saw before me and said the words in my head.
It felt strange to hear it in my mind, so I was sure it would feel worse hearing them out loud.
But I had to try.
I had to see how it would feel to hear myself say it, to start believing it.
To know that I deserved it.
With one final deep inhale I stared at those eyes looking back and me and said the words with as much conviction as I could summon up and said,
You Deserve Love, I Love You Self